Pressure Cooker

I'm prone to outbursts.

Some of you reading this may have trouble with that statement. Those of you who really know me, will laugh and agree wholeheartedly. (Some of you like to exploit this because I also tend to take things a bit too literally.)

It's mostly at work, often while driving. I'm convinced it helps counteract my genetic disposition to high blood pressure. It's also entertaining...at least to me. It helps to keep from bringing stress home too.  (Although on the days when everything goes sideways, I go to the gym...I think I mentioned that earlier.)

I have absolutely no problem saying exactly what I think about a given situation. Sometimes the office will be completely quiet and something I'm working on is just bugging me and I'll say, "Ugh! Boss! Have I ever told you I hate xxx?!" 

My girlfriend and I were recently discussing our "hates" and decided we needed to make a list.  Making the list made us conclude it was too long and really all the items fell into two categories: people and technology.  My coworker further summed it up, "So, what you're really saying is that you just hate everything."

I really don't hate anyone, but at that given moment in time, they are the source of my frustration. An example would be the joker that called seventy-six minutes after he sent an email wondering why I hadn't responded yet. Seriously? WTF? I was at lunch. If you want an immediate response, don't send an email jackass!

 

Anyway, today a gentleman (we'll call him Ed) contacts our office to ask why our software is not transferring information correctly.  Why is the software telling him that it needs human intervention to figure out if he means x or y? Why is our software so dumb and annoying? Our new employee, just four weeks old, was trying very hard to help but needed a hand with knowing where to look for the answer. It went kind of like this:

Me: Okay, get on the server and go to X. Now go to table A. See the twelve items listed?

NG: Yes.

Me: Go back to  Ed's computer. What is the message telling him about?

NG: Herpaderp.

Me: Go back to the server. Is Herpaderp listed on the server?

NG: No.

Me: Okay, now go to Y location in Ed's computer and see if Herpaderp exists there? (Begin outburst) It doesn't exist? Holy sh**! Soooo, the software says, "Hey moron, Herpaderp isn't in your system" because why???? Oh yeah, because its not F***ing there! That's right our software is f***ing smart!  You're getting notified it's not in the f***ing table because it's really NOT in the f***ing table. And why is it not in the f***ing table, because you didn't put it there F***tard! (End outburst) (Yes, you read that correctly, I used f***ing smart in a real context unlike those Epic Mealtime dudes.)

New Guy explains this to Ed (sadly without the F-word). A short time later New Guy turns around and says, "I'd love to see you play a first person shooter game."

Me: Ummm, because I have anger management issues?

NG: (Laughing) No.

Me: I don't play those games. I suck at them.

NG: I wouldn't care if you sucked.  I just want to hear you through the headset telling everyone off.

Ha ha ha...I love the new guy. He's awesome.