Someone's Sister

I think we'd all like to believe our children are perfect. It can be quite disconcerting when we come across things that prove our children are not so young any more and definitely not perfect.

Not all parents may agree with me, but I allow my oldest to have email and be social online with his friends with the provision that I have access to his accounts and he doesn't hide things. I don't take advantage of his privacy often, just occasionally peek into his world. He and I have a pretty good relationship and talk often, so I don't feel the need to poke around with much frequency.

What I found today shocked me. I've read erotica less explicit than the saved chat log I found between him and his girlfriend. (Ironic that I just blogged about trust, right?!)

When I asked him about it, he responded as you'd expect from any teenager. "What's the big deal? Everyone at school talks/behaves this way."

As a teen mother myself, I know exactly what the big deal is.  It took some time and some tears, from both of us, before he finally understood.

The thought that finally got through and made the rest of the pieces fall into the big picture for him? "How would you feel about the boy who has that conversation with your sister?" 

His response, "I'd kill him." 

"Son," I asked, "what makes it okay for you to be that boy?"

I pray he keeps that in mind as he continues to travel down the road to manhood. He's seen the less than stellar example of his father. He's seen the much better example of his friends' fathers. I hope he remembers that the girls and women he encounters in life are someone's sister, someone's daughter, and treats them with the same respect he'd like to see his mom and his sisters treated.

Wait a Minute Mister Postman...

According to a recent Wikipedia article there are over two hundred active social networking sites. Sometimes I picture humanity as a giant school of fish darting from one social network to another. Getting your friends and family to sign up for a new platform is easy. Getting them to use it is quite another. Finding a single common one? Nearly impossible.

With so many forms of communication, how do you talk to people? Actual phone calls? Emails? Text messages? Instant messages? Twitter? Facebook posts? Facebook messages? Blog posts?

Do you repeat the same message across platforms? Or do people who follow you on twitter get a different persona than those who friend you on Facebook?

Do you have an open personality where your work, personal and family life all blend? Or do you keep your work friends separate from your family? I don’t know about you but I don’t want my work friends to have the same information about me as my aunts, uncles and cousins. I don’t want my parents seeing the drunken picture from last week’s BBQ when I thought it would be a good idea to put my bra on the outside of my clothes.

On average, how far from your body is your smart phone at any given moment? For me, on average, two feet. Maybe less. At night, it’s on my bedside table charging. It also doubles as my alarm clock. In addition, we offer emergency tech support and have a phone tree system that I’m a part of.  When I’m working it sits under my monitor. When I’m driving it’s in a little cubby in the dash. When I shower, I use it to listen to music. Getting a clear picture? My phone is pretty much a constant companion which means I’m always connected to email, Facebook, twitter and text messages.

I don’t know if they’re to the same extreme, but most my friends are similar. So it begs the question, in my opinion, what’s an acceptable time frame for responding to said communications? Minutes? Hours? Days? Does it vary depending on the form? Text messages should be responded to within a certain number of hours? Emails a few days? Facebook posts, maybe never? What makes sense to you?  Does the ease of accessibility make you more inclined to respond quickly or less? Does the type of relationship change your expectation? Do you expect your best friend to respond to your text messages within minutes? Your parents in days? Does friending your parents on Facebook get you out of developing a more personal relationship with them? Does it substitute for an actual relationship or help build your “real” life one?

When we get communication from someone that takes a little more effort, do we give it the appreciation it deserves?  A well thought out email or even more rarely, a hand written letter, should be treated as the special gift that it is. Someone took the time to sit down and type you their thoughts and feelings or to share some news. Perhaps they physically took pen to paper, added an actual stamp and maybe even licked the envelope!

My parents aren’t techie people. They still sign their text messages, “love mom.” I can’t tell you how awesome it makes me feel when I open my mailbox and find bill, bill, bill, letter from Mom.  When my friend was last deployed to Afghanistan I sent several care packages. I'll always treasure the handwritten thank you letters I received.

I hope this inspires you to pick up a Hallmark card or write a letter and make someone’s day a little brighter.

http://www.anysoldier.com