Showing posts with label fairy tales. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fairy tales. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Damsel in Distress (Vulnerability, part 1)

I'm feeling a bit snarky. Even a person with the most simple needs, is complicated. I admit that. I often don’t even understand myself. There are subjects in which I contradict myself. I believe this is one of them.


Early in my youth, my childhood was very normal for the time period. My mom was stay at home mom while my father worked. She made all of our meals from scratch, hung our clothes out to dry to save money on electricity, helped us with our homework, read books to us at night, baked cookies, and grew a garden. Later in life, my father was injured and my mother took "what she knew" and became a housekeeper to support our family. After he recovered, they both continued to work together in the business my mom established.


Through this I learned perseverance, responsibility and independence. I remember a critical point when I was about seven when I realized that tears were a weakness and using them would not change things or get me what I wanted. I've hated to cry ever since. Emotions left you vulnerable. It was much safer to suppress them and not have to rely on anyone.


I had always wanted to keep up with the boys, but I began down a road of striving to be as good as them if not better.  I prided myself on my ability to throw the football as well as they could, to chase down a pop fly, to glory in my scabs and bruises and how I got them.


I think there are a lot of women out there like me.  We don't need a man. We possibly know more about our cars than you do, can change our own oil and a flat tire. We can balance our check book.  We'll work multiple jobs if that's what needs to be done to make ends meet. We don't mind traveling alone. We're perfectly capable of setting up a tent, starting a fire and aren't scared of things that go bump in the night. We can mow the lawn, wield an ax, fix a broken pipe, handle killing small rodents and even take out the trash.  I'm proud of being a strong woman. I wouldn't want to be co-dependent. However…


No one told me going down this road was going to completely backfire on me.


No one told me that men flock to the damsel in distress vibe like sharks react to blood.


Just because I don't  need a man, doesn't mean I don't need a Man. I'm not talking about sexually, because there are solutions for that…lots of them. Those of us that are strong and independent need emotional support. Even if we have trouble admitting it. 


We're dying inside.


Worse, we'll justify with ourselves that we're fine.  We're always fine.


I read that when people drown they don't actually flail around screaming and calling for help like they portray in the movies. It's actually when they're quiet and still that they're probably drowning. How To Identify Drowning (Fascinating article; check it out if you spend much time around water.)


I guess, bottom line what I'm saying is, before you go play hero to rescue that whiny bitch needy damsel flailing around looking for attention calling for help with her Facebook posts or tweets, better make sure your own people aren't drowning.

Guys..I'd really like YOUR feedback on this. 


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Lies...it's all lies!

Why do we tell our children lies? They’re masked as beautiful fairy tales, mythical creatures or jolly old men, but they’re still lies.  Since we insist on telling these lies is it any wonder our children grow up with unrealistic expectations? We're setting our children up for failure in so many ways.  Let’s see some examples:

Santa Claus:
The story: Be good all year and a man will pop down your chimney and leave you presents.

Lesson learned: Something for nothing.

The consequence: Living off welfare. Do nothing, get money. It worked as a child, why not as an adult?

The reality: Being good or bad really has no bearing on what happens to you in life. You need to work hard and even if you do, success is not guaranteed.Sorry, but its the cold, hard truth.

Cinderella:
The story: Cinderella works her butt off cleaning, cooking and slaving for her evil stepmother. Eventually her true love rescues her and whisks her away to his castle where we presume she never has to lift a finger again.

Lesson learned: A man is the solution to all the evil in your life.

The consequence: A world full of gold diggers preventing men from finding authentic women.

The reality: If a man sees that you’re capable of working hard, he will expect you to continue doing so.

Belle:
The story: A nasty, snarling, hairy beast with horrible table manners does a couple nice things for a girl and ultimately she feels indebted to him. She hangs out with him and they engage in the age old dance of flirting by pushing each others buttons until when faced with his death she realizes she loves him. She kisses his hairy face and boom he turns into a handsome prince.

Lesson learned: Love will conquer all and buried under nastiness is a wonderful man.

The consequence: Rose colored glasses. We find one or two traits in a man that we can’t live without and ignore the ones that tweak us and make us crazy.

The reality: If you marry a beast, he will continue to be a beast. All those bad habits that you overlooked while you were dating will not go away. He won’t change until he wants to no matter how much you wish he would. He may make some progress, he may drink less, or watch less TV, or play fewer video games, but ultimately if you don’t like who he is now 100% do yourself a favor and walk away.

I can only think of one fairy tale that’s pretty true.

Peter Pan:
The story: Peter Pan and the lost boys decide they need a woman to take care of them and tell stories. Wendy falls for it for a little while.  Pretty soon she sees her situation for what it really is and leaves them.

The reality for girls: Boys will never grow up.

The reality for boys: If you have a smart woman she’s only going to put up with your bullshit for so long before she leaves your sorry ass.

Enough said.