I heart Phil Torcivia. He is hilarious and often right on point. When I read this particular
blog post however, it immediately brought to mind a recent conversation with a good friend.
My friend and I were sharing our weekends which led to discussing relationship issues and undecipherable mixed signals. He wrapped it up like this, "See, the penis knows not what it wants, and the vagina does, though does what it shouldn't." In other words, guys don't really know what they want, give mixed messages, and follow the lead of their
penis. Girls know what they want and chase after guys they shouldn't
anyway.
And that, in my opinion, is at the heart of why good girls lean toward bad boys.
First, I think we need to define "good girls" for the sake of my argument. Good girls referred to here are women who for the most part have their "stuff" together. These are girls who are socially and academically successful. Girls who have jobs, their own cars, and can pay their bills on time. Girls who are attractive, keep in shape, dress nice and stay well-groomed (hair styled, body parts waxed, etc.). They are girls who are positive, honest, and morally decent, maybe even a little innocent. (Do not mistake this for boring or unadventurous.)
This type of woman wants a man who has it together. One who can challenge her intellectually with more than pop culture. One who can laugh, joke, tease and have fun without dissolving into bathroom humor. One who will be interested in the things that interest her and will listen as attentively to her as she listens to him. She wants a man who is honest, honorable, and worthy of her respect. She wants a man who can change a tire, knows how to use a hammer and wrench, and is equally comfortable domestically. She wants a man who will make her feel genuinely beautiful and sexy.
Nice guys, the ones who get relegated to friend status, don't put off the right vibe. They may fulfill everything listed above, but they're missing something. That thing that grabs our attention and hooks us for more.
We aren't necessarily looking for the Alpha male, but we're looking for a strong presence. Something that says you'll challenge us. A confident swagger that makes us swoon. Whether we were created or have evolved, woman in general, craves man.
Fuck the feminist agenda! We want a man to be a man. We want him to hold our hand, or throw an arm around our waist, and be just possessive/jealous enough that we know we're wanted and our relationship is secure. We want to be protected and cared for. We want a man who will defend himself and us. We want him to be dominate in the bedroom.
This is especially true for the "good girl" described above. She's already successful! She doesn't need you to complete her. She's already got it together financially. She's likely building a strong career. She doesn't even need you to start a family. She doesn't
need a man, but dang it, she wants one!
We don't really want bad boys. Nope, *shaking my head* we absolutely do not. Bad boys are arrogant, thoughtless, selfish asshats.
So, when you look at all those things, why do we lean towards the bad boy? Why do we know what we want but do what we shouldn't?
Because we don't want to be your momma! Your nice guy demeanor makes you seem like a pushover. Someone we can control. We don't want a sheep. We want a man, dammit!
Bad boys ooze confidence. They put off that challenge vibe. They excite us and keep us off balance. They speak to an inner desire we try to pretend doesn't exist. That inner need women have where we, in spite of our success, want a man to be our big strong hero, to allow us a weak moment in our otherwise organized lives where we can be the damsel in distress, rescued by the man we crave. We don't always want to make the decisions and be in charge.
We know better and yet, we give into that inner desire, and pursue the bad boy we suspect will only half fill our needs. We knowingly set ourselves up for heartache hoping the bad boy exterior we are attracted to hides a nice guy underneath. Often, we hate ourselves as we walk away, again and again. We wish we could find someone that was the combination of the dominate bad boy and our nice guy confidant.
How do we remedy this? Nice guys need to be themselves, stop over analyzing what they "think" we want, and show us their inner bad boy!
###
I shared this with a friend before posting and he responded: since the dawn of puberty, your entire post has been the frustration to males like me and the guys I hung out with.
So...guys, ladies, what do you think? Please share your thoughts!
