Buoys are a common sight in the Pacific Northwest, indeed all along the coast. They're most commonly seen marking safe passage for boats. Relationships are a lot like buoys, helping to mark safe passage and used to keep you afloat.
If the relationships in your life are buoys to keep you afloat, disappointment and anger are weights.
Are you mad?
That's such a loaded question. It's one I've answered with an honest, "No, I am not mad."
Are you sure? is often the follow up question and yes, I'm sure.
This is because there is mad and there is disappointed and while they may look the same, they are very, very different.
Mad, you see, dissipates. It may simmer and eventually blow like a teakettle, but once all the pressure is out or you take away the cause, mad is done.
An example, you get mad at your kids when they break the lamp after you told them repeatedly not to throw the ball in the house. You are disappointed when they break your trust.
Mad is like an old fashioned sugar cube. It's solid and it will take a little time, perhaps even some coaxing, but the water will eventually dissolve it and the weight will be gone.
Disappointment, on the other hand, is a heavy anchor. The buoy may bob a little with the first instance, but the anchor never truly goes away. Another disappointment adds another anchor and another and another, and the buoy struggles to stay afloat. The only way to rid yourself of the anchor is to either be really good at forgiveness or change your relationship.
Keep in mind the bouy is designed to stay afloat. It will fight the weight tirelessly, but eventually the added weight will drag it down. Even if you are good at forgiveness, the hurt is still there and it often takes time to work through the links to drop the anchor.
I guess there is also something to be said for the responsibility of managing your expectations and therefore mitigating your disappointment. After all, if your expectations are low, if you expect the worst, you'll never be disappointed, right? However, should you go through life expecting to be disappointed? What kind of life is that? How would people feel if they knew you expected the worst of them? Don't we owe it to each other to expect the best they have to offer? Alternatively, if you're anticipating you might disappoint someone, you can be sure to let them know ahead of time what to expect, that ensures they have realistic expectations and no reason to be disappointed.
So, my opinion is this, if you're wondering or considering asking someone you care about, "are you mad?" You'd better hope to God the answer is yes, because disappointment is a death sentence to a relationship.
If the relationships in your life are buoys to keep you afloat, disappointment and anger are weights.
Are you mad?
That's such a loaded question. It's one I've answered with an honest, "No, I am not mad."
Are you sure? is often the follow up question and yes, I'm sure.
This is because there is mad and there is disappointed and while they may look the same, they are very, very different.
Mad, you see, dissipates. It may simmer and eventually blow like a teakettle, but once all the pressure is out or you take away the cause, mad is done.
An example, you get mad at your kids when they break the lamp after you told them repeatedly not to throw the ball in the house. You are disappointed when they break your trust.
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| Buoys are a common sight in the waters of the Pacific. |
Mad is like an old fashioned sugar cube. It's solid and it will take a little time, perhaps even some coaxing, but the water will eventually dissolve it and the weight will be gone.
Disappointment, on the other hand, is a heavy anchor. The buoy may bob a little with the first instance, but the anchor never truly goes away. Another disappointment adds another anchor and another and another, and the buoy struggles to stay afloat. The only way to rid yourself of the anchor is to either be really good at forgiveness or change your relationship.
Keep in mind the bouy is designed to stay afloat. It will fight the weight tirelessly, but eventually the added weight will drag it down. Even if you are good at forgiveness, the hurt is still there and it often takes time to work through the links to drop the anchor.
I guess there is also something to be said for the responsibility of managing your expectations and therefore mitigating your disappointment. After all, if your expectations are low, if you expect the worst, you'll never be disappointed, right? However, should you go through life expecting to be disappointed? What kind of life is that? How would people feel if they knew you expected the worst of them? Don't we owe it to each other to expect the best they have to offer? Alternatively, if you're anticipating you might disappoint someone, you can be sure to let them know ahead of time what to expect, that ensures they have realistic expectations and no reason to be disappointed.
So, my opinion is this, if you're wondering or considering asking someone you care about, "are you mad?" You'd better hope to God the answer is yes, because disappointment is a death sentence to a relationship.
