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| from: www.seattleartglass.com |
Trust can be earned and trust can be gifted. There are several variations of the definition according to Merriam-Webster.
With your children they earn trust with their behavior. This would fall under: to permit to stay or go or to do something without fear. You've watched them grow and instilled in them values. So that first time you leave them unsupervised, send them out with friends, or give them the keys to the car, you say, "I trust you." Based on their behavior, they've earned your trust. You trust that they'll follow the rules in your absence, stay out of trouble, drive carefully, etc.
The first time they fail, your trust takes a hit. However, they're your children so you address the situation. You do your best to teach them from the mistake, they work hard, your trust is re-earned and you try again.
Relationships between friends are also based on trust. It's both earned and gifted. I believe the correct definition in this case is: to place confidence in: rely on. The first gift may be trust over a shared confidence, or a borrowed favorite pair of shoes. Over time, the trust grows as it is both earned and continues to be gifted. You trust your friend to keep your secrets, to be there for you when you need to vent, and you trust their emotional support. The first time you find out they've betrayed something between the two of you, you may not immediately react and end the friendship, but your friendship will be damaged. You'll find yourself questioning everything they say and do. You'll share less with them in an effort to protect yourself. It takes a lot of effort to rebuild that trust.
Relationships between a couple, that's a much deeper level of trust, especially if you're intimate or have exchanged expressions of love. This more along the line of: to commit or place in one's care of keeping; to rely on the truthfulness or accuracy of. It takes incredible trust to hand a person your heart. To share with them your deepest needs, worries and fears, to admit your weaknesses.
In this case, trust is truly a gift, and the giver takes a huge risk.
When you've opened your heart to trust someone, why do they not understand the fragility of that trust? Especially if the giver has been hurt in the past and is tentatively reaching out. White lies, lies of omission, they're all still lies. What they don't know won't hurt them is such bullshit.
Love is being worthy of that gift of trust.
Why lie about something when there is no reason to? Why say you're reading a book when you're really playing video games? Who cares either way? It's your free time, or your GPA at stake. Why be vague about who you're with or what you're doing? It just leads to wondering about what else you're not being honest about. If they've never before had a reason not to trust you, you've just given them one.
The lie, the omission, no matter how small, puts little cracks in trust. Eventually, like those pretty glass floats, a little pressure on those cracks, and its gonna shatter in your hand.
