Sleep Theory

At three a.m. I was awake and thought, "this is why we die."  A little morbid? Not really.

If the purpose of sleep is to recharge our bodies; if it is during sleep that we grow; if it is during sleep that our cells repair themselves, then it seems reasonable to think that it is a lack of sleep that is killing us.

Think about a rechargeable battery, say your cell phone, for example.  What do the instructions say when you get it? "Charge fully before use."  This is, in theory, to maximize the battery's life. We're also advised not to charge the phone until it is nearly dead, because putting a 2/3 charged battery on the charger reduces its ability to be recharged and shortens its lifespan.  Another example: I leave my laptop plugged in almost all the time.  So much so that it popped up and prompted me to change my settings to "battery saver."  It now no longer charges constantly when plugged in.  Instead, the laptop waits until it is at twenty or thirty percent remaining before it starts to charge.

How does that relate to us as humans?  What if we're recharged during sleep and our lack of sleep, our "half-charges" are shortening our life?  What if when we die, we die because we can't be recharged any more and we've been living off of our reserves, and when those reserves are depleted, that's it? 

The experts say that we can't fix a sleep deficit by sleeping in; that our late nights all week can't be remedied by sleeping until noon on Saturday. This is certainly true of our phones.  Once your battery's capacity is diminished it doesn't matter how long it sits on the charger at 100% charged, as soon as you pull it off the charger, it will discharge at the same rapid rate.

As we age, we typically sleep less and less. I would be curious to know how much sleep centenarians got on average over their lifetime. I wonder how long you could live if your body perfectly renewed itself every night. 

Thoughts?

Beg the Devil

By KK Sierra

Beg the Devil come tonight.
Fill my heart with rage.
Sorrow overwhelms the fight.
Take away the wretched ache.
Quill in hand to tell the tale.
Ink, nay blood, stains the page.
The vessel empties on a moan.
No one weeps those dead alone.

###

Until the End - a short

Until the End by KK Sierra

Crimson red, it runs down.
Staining the earth beneath him.
Life ebbs with each heartbeat.
Weary, the fight leaves him.

A whisper, a gasp, "Ana."

The wound will take him.
No heroics can stop it.
Offer comfort, peace, and love.
Vengeance is yours; you'll repay.
It shan't be in vain.

With the Old Breed

Since today is the Marine Corps birthday and yesterday we were talking about must read books, I must recommend With the Old Breed by E.B. Sledge.

In it Eugene Sledge, an officer candidate turned mortarman, tells of the battles waged at Peleliu and Okinawa. The thing I most enjoyed about reading his story is that it was told without judgement. He doesn't throw any political twist on it and glorify in his own self-importance. Nor does he vilify the war. Rather, he gives a matter of fact narration of his boots on the ground experience. There is no acrimony in his description of mud, blood and decaying bodies.

I am not a war buff in any manner. This was in fact the first, outside of high school, I'd read on the subject of WWII. It's extreme honesty really impressed me. As this is a memoir, E.B. Sledge could have injected his story with facts and stories he learned after the fact, yet he did not. Other than a few clarifying details, he refrained and instead told the story with the sparse information he had at the time he experienced it.

Reading it touched me deeply and I've considered what I read in it many times since. The atrocities that humans will inflict on other humans is very sad. At times I was horrified by what I read. At others, tears ran down my face. Mostly I was struck by the tragic loss of life, not only then, but in the battles that have ensued since then, and those that continue to rage today.

E.B. Sledge's story was used in part for the HBO mini-series, The Pacific. I encourage you to pick up the book and the follow up memoir, China Marine, which tells of E.B. Sledge's experience immediately following Okinawa.

To my friends (& their friends) who are presently deployed and will be deploying soon, stay safe, you're in our thoughts and prayers.

Haters & the Anonymous Comment

I grew up in a religious household. Those I associated with took the words written in the bible very seriously. Fornication, smoking, tattoos, swearing, homosexuality, etc, were all behaviors that were sinful. However, I never felt anyone I associated with were hateful. I never felt the church taught hate. The behavior may have been looked down on, but never the person. Even now, as I've chosen to leave the church, most of the feedback I've gotten has simply been disappointment.

Perhaps, I was lucky and the people I knew/know were more tolerant than others, the exception rather than the rule. Or perhaps I've been naive, shielded from reality in some way, but as I find random articles on the internet, I'm stunned by the amount of hate people seem justified in spewing.

For example, apparently public nudity is allowed in San Francisco, but they've recently proposed an ordinance that requires clothing in restaurants. I'm not sure how sitting at a table naked qualifies as a sanitation issue, unless these diners are making their way back into the prep area. Do I agree with public nudity? No. I most certainly do not want to see random naughty bits.  That being said, the self-righteous hate in the comments of this article is incredible:

• "You've GOT to be shitting me. More reason to not ever go to San Francisco. No wonder they call California the Granola State (home to the nuts, flakes, and fruits)."
  
  
• "San Franscisco [sic] is modern day Sodom or Gomorah [sic] of Bible time. God is merciful but He will execute justice on this preverted [sic] city in His time. I pray for SF to turn from their sin."
  
  
• "There is always hope that the next earthquake will break off parts of California into the ocean! Say San Francisco, Oakland and LA, then the state would be somewhat normal!"
  
  
• "Yeah! I hope they all die as the buildings fall, including the pregnant women and their unborn children." 

Call me crazy, but I think this type of behavior is juvenile and inappropriate. I think if you don't like a naked person at the restaurant you're at, you can ask the owner to change to a No Shirt, No Service policy, or you can choose to eat elsewhere.

Misplaced and misdirected hate can be found all over the internet and I don't understand it. This article about nudity and food safety was found on delish.com, a place for food enthusiasts not a platform for moral debate. I still believe the comments are completely inappropriate, but perhaps they would've made more sense in a forum discussing public nudity?

Why do people feel the need to voice their hatred at will?

Why post something like this on an article about autism:

• "Ignorance IS bliss! There isn't any MONEY in this diagnosis! NEWSFLASH ~ OUR GOVERNMENT IS BROKE!!! My child is perfectly joyful and everyone simply loves her! She possess the phenominal ability to memorize dialog and comments from hearing the information ONCE! I possess a MASTER's degree and very typical in my psycho / social disposition plus I am working toward my DOCTORATE! God is wathing [sic] you and KARMA is reciprocal!"

Why is it okay to post something like this on an article about a Soldier who died and how is family is coping:

• "Blah blah blah.. someone went to kill other people cause some other people, that are known for LYING, told him to and he died.
  I AM sorry that a living creature lost their life.
  I am NOT sorry for HOW he lost his life.
  I am NOT grateful for his 'service'.
  He CHOSE to listen to LIARS, he CHOSE to kill people, and he got what he asked for."
  
  

Or this on an article about health care and PTSD:

• "dont get me wrong here, im all for giving these men and women all they need, but within reasons. Post traumatic syndrome is something mental, can be remedied. if you cannot handle it, then dont join, seriously"

What gives anyone the right to hate the Soldier doing his job just because they disagree with the wars in the Middle East? Or to think that they don't deserve adequate health care when they come home?

Perhaps it is because of beliefs like these posted in response to the exotic animal incident in Ohio:

•  "I'd rather see all three of you shot, than animals that were kept in captivity shot because of some humans stupidity. Yep, that's right, I hold human life in so little regard. So, continue to respond, but it doesn't change the fact that I'd sooner see you dead. The only shame is that nothing would be there to feast on your carcasses. Btw, local animal control has tranquilizers, and last I checked lions and tigers aren't exactly equipped to open car doors. As I said, stupid, lazy, ignorant imbeciles, such as yourselves are much better off dead. It actually does the human race some good. Having been to Ohio though, I can't say I'm surprised, the level of intelligence that resides there isn't exactly rife with promise."

In addition to the values I personally work to instill in my children, since Kindergarten my children's school has promoted courtesy, kindness and respect to the entire student body. Have we grown up and forgotten these basic principles?

Perhaps these devout Christians, who glory in quoting scripture, should take a moment to reflect on this:  “Don’t judge, so that you won’t be judged. You’ll receive the same judgment you give. Whatever you deal out will be dealt out to you. Why do you see the splinter that’s in your brother’s or sister’s eye, but don’t notice the log in your own eye?"

(On a complete side note, apparently I'm not the only one noticing dumb comments today. Please take a moment to enjoy this article from Cracked.)

The Rendezvous - Part 2

Hello. If you haven't had the chance, you might want to read Part 1 here first. Happy reading!

The Rendezvous - Part 2

by KK Sierra

He checked the clock on his dash. Thirty minutes before his babe’s plane landed; plenty of time to grab a pack of cigarettes and a can of Skoal. It was a nasty habit he knew, but not one he was ready to give up.

The convenience store was brightly lit and well designed. The aisles were wide, angling out from the counter to allow the clerk to see customers at any location in the store. The glass front ensured visual confirmation of anyone at the gas pumps, as well.

Standing in line behind a woman, he waited his turn to make his purchase. The woman looked like she hadn’t showered in at least a week and the pungent odor wafting from her made him step back a pace.

“Two thirty-two,” the clerk told the woman.

With painstaking deliberation, she pulled change out of her dirty shorts and one coin at a time, carefully counted out a few quarters, nickels and pennies. Stifling a sigh, he pulled his phone out of his pocket to check the time.

The escalating whine caught his attention seconds before the Mazda crashed through the plate glass. He didn’t think, just reacted. With a step forward, he caught the woman around the waist and drug her with him as he pulled them both over and behind the counter, gashing his arm open as they went. The glass in the counter shattered as it was clipped by the passenger side mirror.

A scream was cut off as the car crashed in the back of the store, and then relative silence. The incident had lasted mere seconds.

The scene was surreal as he pried the sobbing woman’s fingers from his arm and helped her get to her feet. She was alright, as was the clerk who was muttering, “oh holy shit.”  Steam hissed from the engine of the car where it rested among the cold sodas and chocolate milk.

His military training had him instinctually aware of his surroundings and he knew exactly where every person had been in the store prior to the car crashing through. Seven people, in all; himself, the clerk, the woman, a man at the soda fountain, two teens in the candy aisle, and a woman at the end cap looking at donuts. He quickly surveyed the room. The donut woman was missing.

Skirting the counter, and stumbling around in the debris, he followed the path of the car. Donut boxes, among other things, had exploded on impact with the car. On the far side of the car, he saw an arm. With authority he spoke to the clerk, “Call the police.” He glanced inside the car at the driver. The old man’s face reflected death. He suspected he’d had a heart attack. Reaching through the open passenger window, he checked the man. The old man had no pulse. He knew there was nothing more he could do for him, and instead focused his attention on the woman. “Tell them we need two ambulances.”

Beckoning Soda Fountain guy he said, “Come help me.” On his hands and knees beside the car, he tried to see the woman. He checked her wrist and found her pulse to be weak, but steady. “See if the clerk has a flashlight. I can’t see anything.” He didn’t want to move her from under the car, until he’d checked her out a little better.

With the flashlight in hand, he was able to see her face. She appeared to be unconscious. Nothing jumped out at him to indicate he needed to leave her under the car until she could be better stabilized. “Help me move her,” he asked Soda Fountain guy.

Together they carefully slid her from under the car. “Hold her head,” he instructed Soda Fountain guy. He helped him put his fingers on either side of her ears, toward her body, keeping her head still.  She wasn’t moving, but it was important to stabilize her head to prevent further trauma. "Don't let her move."

Running through a ingrained mental checklist, he gave her a once over. Her breathing was labored and his exam revealed obviously broken ribs. He suspected significant internal bleeding. However, since she was breathing on her own and there was no more than superficial bleeding to stop, there was little else he could do to help her.

The paramedics arrived shortly thereafter and he let them take over. The clerk was still standing behind the counter and handed him a pack of cigarettes as he walked by. Guess he just had “I need a smoke” written on his face. He walked outside. The parking lot awash with the garish flashing of emergency lights. News crews wouldn't be far behind.

The dirty woman came over to where he stood smoking the much needed cigarette. They matched now; his clothes were filthy, covered with the remnants of broken shelving, dry wall, soda bottles, food and blood. “Thanks,” she said shyly. “I think this is yours.” He took his cell phone and grimaced.  He knew not memorizing phone numbers would someday bite him in the ass. These days he didn’t even bother to memorize the number to his work. Why bother when everything was so conveniently stored in his phone and synced with his computer at home.

Now, looking at the smashed face of his phone, he swore. His babe was waiting; probably waffling between worry and anger. He thought about the young woman inside and how she only wanted donuts. He reflected on how short life was and how quickly it could be taken away. He and his babe were going to have a serious talk soon. 

###

Free will?

According to the bible God gave Adam free will. The ability to make choices. And yet, what choice was he really given? Option one: live life the way I direct and live forever. Option two: live life the way you want and ultimately die because you didn't make the choice I wanted you to.

Wait a minute, what? Pretty much that sounded like "do it my way or else" to me. What about you?

Is free will just an illusion? Sure seems like it. Recently I overheard, "I hope he sees his responsibility and comes back to church." Responsibility? Is that what you want worship/devotion from? A sense of responsibility? A sense of obligation? A sense of duty? Shouldn't devotion and worship be given out of love? Out of desire?

I certainly don't want my children to love me because they feel obligated to. I don't want to be married out of a sense of obligation. It should be because of love, because I earned it, not because I made a threat or gave someone no choice.

I don't subscribe to the belief of heaven or hell. I believe that dead is dead. Many however do and think that as long as you're a good person you'll go to heaven. That's not what I gathered from the book of Genesis. Adam was given two options: my way or the highway.

Why were we given free will? Are we just some science experiment? "Hey let's see what happens if we make creatures that are selfish, greedy and cruel, but also have the capacity for honor, love and generosity." Just toss 'em all together, shake 'em up and see what happens?

I feel like we were setup. Your thoughts?

Parched

I have a plant in my office. It lives there because there aren’t enough windows for it to live happily in my home. Thank you dark, gray, Pacific Northwest, but I digress. This plant has been with me for about seven years now and this is the second office it has lived in.

Thing about my poor plant is despite the fact that it is less than three feet from me and I walk past it multiple time a day, I forget to water it. It gets droopier and droopier and eventually the leaves start falling off.  That’s usually the moment I realize Doh! I forgot to water my plant.  I’ll give it a bunch of water over the next couple days and before long it has perked back up and looks happy.  Sometimes the effort will even trigger new growth.  While my plant recovers and may even flourish for a while there is no way that it is healthy. I’m sure its growth is stunted by its inconsistent, inadequate watering. It’s root system is probably weak, maybe even rotted in places. Not only that, I’m pretty sure my plant is supposed to be tree-like, not bush-like.  I’m certain I’ve prevented it from ever reaching its full potential.

My plant reminds me of my marriage. My ex treated our relationship like I treat my plant. Although it was right there in front of him every day quietly pleading for attention, he forgot all about it until it was wilted and dying at his feet. Then he’d make a big show of putting all this effort into us, tooting his horn with “look at all the changes I’ve made,” and we’d perk up for a little while, until he forgot again.  (Believe me when I say I’m oversimplifying this. I could write a daily blog for years about that fiasco.)

Our relationship is over. Dead. Unfortunately he doesn’t see it that way. He’s spent the last seventeen months dragging out our divorce because he thinks I’m going to change my mind. In an effort to speed things along, I’ve agreed to open, direct dialog without our attorneys. He’s taken this as an opening to “water the plant.” It’s not working. The plant is dead. The branches may still be there but the leaves have fallen off and its root system is destroyed. No amount of pretty words will bring it back. I’ve moved on and he’s lost all rights to claim my attention or my heart.

It’s rarely big things that destroy a relationship. It’s the little things that undermine it, erode it, and weaken its core. You might be able to replenish it for a time, but unless it’s given the care and attention it needs on a regular basis, eventually it’s not going to make it.  I love this quote from Anais Nin. I couldn’t have said it better.

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."