The average American woman wears a size 14. Hollywood stars average size 4. Is it any wonder we have a skewed, unrealistic view of our bodies? Like looking at ourselves in fun house mirrors.
A little over a year ago I wore a size 18; today I wear a size 8. I’m not at the end of my weight loss journey. For me, reaching my goal is not about the size of my pants or a number on the scale. It’s ultimately about how I feel inside and out. I know that even when I reach my body's "happy weight", there will be the struggle to maintain the loss.
I recently discovered some pictures on my camera from when I was near my heaviest. I’m nowhere near that weight and god forbid I ever am again, but those old feelings, disgust, and low self-esteem immediately surfaced. Since I’ve lost the weight I worry more now about the tiniest fluctuation of the scale than I ever did before. Instead of increasing self-confidence, I’m unsure of myself. I may have changed my body, but inside I still feel like a fat girl.
Logically it makes no sense whatsoever. I have friends that are heavier than I am that I think are beautiful women. I look at them and see the wonderful people they are. I never think, “wow, look at her cellulite butt jiggle.” In fact, I’m jealous of the ease with which they seem to navigate their lives, the confidence they exude.
I can positively say to any one of my friends that "she’s amazing and beautiful." I can tell her to stop stressing about a pound or two and let her body settle at it's happy weight. As long as she’s healthy she doesn’t need to worry. How can I convince myself of the same thing?
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