Sleep Theory

At three a.m. I was awake and thought, "this is why we die."  A little morbid? Not really.

If the purpose of sleep is to recharge our bodies; if it is during sleep that we grow; if it is during sleep that our cells repair themselves, then it seems reasonable to think that it is a lack of sleep that is killing us.

Think about a rechargeable battery, say your cell phone, for example.  What do the instructions say when you get it? "Charge fully before use."  This is, in theory, to maximize the battery's life. We're also advised not to charge the phone until it is nearly dead, because putting a 2/3 charged battery on the charger reduces its ability to be recharged and shortens its lifespan.  Another example: I leave my laptop plugged in almost all the time.  So much so that it popped up and prompted me to change my settings to "battery saver."  It now no longer charges constantly when plugged in.  Instead, the laptop waits until it is at twenty or thirty percent remaining before it starts to charge.

How does that relate to us as humans?  What if we're recharged during sleep and our lack of sleep, our "half-charges" are shortening our life?  What if when we die, we die because we can't be recharged any more and we've been living off of our reserves, and when those reserves are depleted, that's it? 

The experts say that we can't fix a sleep deficit by sleeping in; that our late nights all week can't be remedied by sleeping until noon on Saturday. This is certainly true of our phones.  Once your battery's capacity is diminished it doesn't matter how long it sits on the charger at 100% charged, as soon as you pull it off the charger, it will discharge at the same rapid rate.

As we age, we typically sleep less and less. I would be curious to know how much sleep centenarians got on average over their lifetime. I wonder how long you could live if your body perfectly renewed itself every night. 

Thoughts?

Thoughts on Little Things

I went for a ten-mile hike Saturday, managed to get blisters and tweaked my back but it was still one of the nicest weekends I can remember.

I think it is the little things that make or break a relationship. I did a lot of thinking about this while I hiked along the beach.

My ex didn't work for the last decade of our relationship. I have no issue with gender reversals. I didn't care that he didn't work outside the home and bring in an income.  However, in exchange, I expected that he would pick up the slack at home (he didn't). The little things: pick up the dishes, take out the trash, clean up after yourself. Nothing sent my anger level into the atmosphere faster than coming home from work and finding the house a disaster, the kids in front of the TV, and him napping. It was a display of complete selfishness.

My life is somewhat different now.  I still work full-time, but I telecommute.  It makes for a different dynamic because I am able to toss the laundry in the washing machine during the day, or start dinner in the crock-pot  In some ways, I think this makes teamwork worse because people forget I am not at home to be doing home things, I am here working and need to treat my job in the same manner I would if I was in the office. So, while I may take a few minutes here or there, I pretty much try to stay focused during the day.  As soon as the work day is over, I leave my computer and start dinner, or wash up the dishes from breakfast, etc. My family, on the other hand, is content to walk in the door and immediately start "relaxing" until dinner is ready.

I understand that work and school is stressful and that one comes home and wants to relax.  However, if everyone relaxes then nothing gets done.  Dinner doesn't get cooked, laundry doesn't get done, the floors don't get swept.  If everyone relaxes but mom, then mom ends up tired, cranky, overworked and resentful. Resentful is never good for a relationship.

I would like to see my family complete one selfless act daily.  One thing that is done completely for the benefit of someone else (hopefully it will lead to more).  I want them to see beyond the 'reward me' attitude: I put my laundry away, or I did my homework, or I put my dinner dishes in the sink.  Yes, those things are beneficial, but they mostly benefit just that person.  I want them to go beyond doing just the minimums. It is the kind, little things, that benefit relationships (between a couple, between siblings, between parents and kids): taking an extra moment to say thank you, please, or you're welcome; picking up something up and putting it away even if it isn't yours; showing interest in another person's activities; and learning to share.

So, back to what made my weekend so enjoyable. The BF made my weekend!  We worked on several things and it was so nice to do them together.  Not that we don't do things together normally, we do. What made this different, is that we did everyday, ordinary things together.  We made cupcakes.  We went shopping. We made breakfast.  We did the dishes.  Somehow, the fact that the activities were so absolutely ordinary, made the time spent together: talking, laughing, working, just that much better.  It was all those little things. I hope we never lose that togetherness.

Finding a Hobby

I've never been very good at crafts. I imagine things in my head but they never tend to come out on paper, canvas, or fabric how I expect. Until recently.

Last fall I was taught how to crochet and it has become a very enjoyable hobby.

An infinity scarf with beads.

A granny square.

Butterflies in a granny square.

My favorite work in progress:  a beautifully textured baby blanket.

Really really!

SHREK: Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?

DONKEY: Er... really tall?

SHREK: No! I'm an ogre. You know, 'Grab your torch and pitchforks!' Doesn't that bother you?

DONKEY: Nope

SHREK: Really?

DONKEY: Really really. 

That's kind of how the decision to move to Hawaii happened.  The BF (I'll come up with something better maybe later) and I were texting about his living situation at his new duty station and somehow living together came up.  Since it was via text message and moving across the OCEAN is kind of a big deal, I sought some clarification later on the phone.

"You really want me to live with you?"

"You really want to live with me?"

"Well, yeah."

"Well, okay."

"Really?"

"Really really."

And that was about the end of the discussion...at least as I remember it. You'd think that a lot has changed, but it doesn't seem like it. I still get everyone up in the morning.  I make everyone's lunches. I get the kids off to school. I get to work. After work, there is homework, gym, dinner, tv, etc. Pretty sure the biggest changes have been for the BF...the loss of his quiet solitude now interrupted by the chaos of a teen, drama-tween, and child. Plus, he has to SHARE the X-box. (Oh the horrors!)

One thing I've started doing again on a regular basis, is cooking.  There is one major factor behind this: it is outrageously expensive to live here.

The perk however is that I've been reminded that I like cooking.  And not just a bunch of boxed, pre-made stuff that gets thrown together and called a meal.  No, I've been making meals that would make my mama proud. I made a cake from scratch! Before this, I have never made anything but boxed cake mix.  I also made waffles and pancakes without Krusteaz.  I even tried my hand at pizza dough and pizza sauce...with yeast and everything. Today I made mini-pineapple upside down cakes. It will be perfect with a cup of Kona coffee later. Nom nom.

 

Eventually

I was talking to a girlfriend today about babies and being pregnant.  She mentioned that she couldn't possibly imagine being older than she is now and pregnant. Specifically she referenced women in their 40's; those "bitches having babies are crazy!"  This led to a conversation about "eventually."

I think humans spend too much time waiting/wishing for what comes next and not enough focused on the now. Eventually creeps in and annoys even when we have a focused goal. All too often we lose track and feel like tomorrow will always be there....that we'll always have one more day, one more opportunity.  This is apparent when I listen to my kid's friends make comments like, "I can't wait until I'm 18."  If only they would enjoy the fleeting time of youth...you never get it back!

What about if you knew exactly when you were going to die?  Would it weigh upon you and make it hard to live your life? Would you make efforts to change your fate? Or would it encourage you to take every single day and live to its absolute fullest?

Since there is no way to know exactly how long we'll live, how much of your life have you spent waiting for something that was "eventually" going to happen? How do you feel if it never happens? Change goals? Redirect? Wallow in misery?

Eventually, I'll have enough saved to go on vacation.
Eventually, I'll be able to buy that house/car/whatever.
Eventually, I'll feel good enough.
Eventually, I'll lose twenty pounds.
Eventually, I'll be happy.
Eventually, I'll go back to school.
Eventually, I'll look for a different job.

Eventually, eventually, eventually, in an ever deepening rut, until there is no time left for eventually and instead it is just about regrets.

I have lots of regrets about the time when I was married.  I spent way too many years stressing and carrying other people's burdens.  I spent way too much time worrying about other people's expectations. I didn't spend nearly enough time relaxing and just being with my kids or trying/seeing/doing new things or being happy with who I was. I try to be better, but some days it is all so overwhelming. Then I get antsy and frustrated and angry.  I want to scream and cry and swear at people. It's hard not to project those feelings. I don't want be 60 or 70, and realize I realistically only have maybe a decade of time left. Looking back on the failure of my 20's is bad enough.

Sometimes it feels like trying to catch water. It seeps out between your fingers until there is nothing left but a damp reminder of what used to be. I think maybe you can't hold on to happiness and serenity and peace. You can only have it for a brief period of time. You have to figure out its source and then keep replenishing it.

Tough Mudder

Tough Mudder was in September.  It was definitely tough, but it was also lots of fun. Probably because I did it with a bunch of friends. Friends make a huge difference.

I'm not going to tell you everything about the experience because I really think it is something you have to do yourself. I'll give you some highlights though.

1. Just to get into the starting gate you have to go over a 10 foot wall. :/  Really TM?
2. The ice bath at the Gladiator Rock n' Roll run was worse than the Arctic Enema.  Just sayin'.  (Oh, I didn't tell you about that race either, did I?)
3. Spartan Sprint was more fun because the course is smaller meaning less time between obstacles.  We did lots of "running" at TM.
4. A person (not me) can put away a lot of beers in 10+ miles.
5. Electric shock is no joke. Context:  before the event my boss and I were talking about the electric shock obstacles.  There were two places on the course.  One where you belly crawled through water under the wires if you could manage to avoid them (you couldn't). And a second at the very end of the race where the wires hung down like a shower curtain and you have to run through them.  My boss says, "There is no way they can really hurt you.  It must be a very low voltage." I said, "Well, I don't know...you do have to sign a death waiver."
   
   Let me say again: Electric shock is no joke!  They HURT so much!  The first obstacle (the low crawl) wasn't horrible, it snapped and stung, but you were through it pretty quickly.  The last obstacle was awful.  I was hit several times.  One was so hard it knocked me to the ground and another lashed me right across my mouth!
6. Not all mud is created equal.  This event was held at a coal mine.  It was a special kind of muddy. A few days later I was cleaning out my ruck and marveling at the black water running off of it.  I was shocked at the amount...then I remembered the pools of black water we had to crawl through.
7. TM doesn't have the same accountability as Spartan Sprint.  At Spartan if you skip/miss an obstacle, its a penalty of 30 burpees.

All in all, TM was good times.  I was proud of myself and my team for what we accomplished...even if we were nearly the last team off the course.

I'm not the only one who got a shock across the face.

Ruck a 'Hundy

In October of last year, as part of my training, I signed up for a challenge.  To ruck (defined: to ruck is to move with a rucksack, and implies action, energy and purpose) 100 miles in one month.  When I first signed up if I had done approximately 3.5 miles per day, I would meet my goal. However, like with many things, life got in the way.  My miles per day changed to: 5/per day and then 8/per day. As my time dwindled away, I was determined to finish no matter the difficulty.

And, it was crazy difficult.

My last few days looked something like this:

• 23rd: 5 miles
• 27th: 9.10 miles
• 28th: 20 miles (My daughter did all 20 miles with me. What a kid!)
• 29th: 8.2 miles
• 30th: 5 miles

Keep in mind this was October in Washington.  It was cold. It gets dark at 4:00.  On Halloween, I was doing miles around my neighborhood at ten o'clock at night, with my headlamp, in the rain. All with a weighted ruck. Oh yeah!

I earned my patch, which was huge to me because I made a commitment and I kept it. :)

PS  I'd like to say it was fun and that I'd do it again, but um, yeah, no thanks. 

Ruck or Shut Up

December 2011 I saw an event called GoRuck.  I really wanted to do it. Everything about the challenge appealed to me.  I signed up for it. I bought a ruck. I bought bricks. I trained.  I even bought my airline tickets to get to it.  But then I didn't do it. No really good excuse.  Self-doubt and lack of training contributed for sure. Mostly my enthusiasm just petered out and I came up with reasons not to get it done.

Decision time is once again upon me.  There is a local event on June 29.  I don't even have to worry about paying for it because I still have a credit from the other event.  I just have to commit.

So here is my commitment.  I am giving myself until June to decide if I can hack it. I start Saturday with an 8-mile ruck.

Stay tuned.

Keyboard Warriors Rise Again

Last year my coworker and I and some friends raced in the Spartan Sprint at the Washougal Motocross Track. It was super fun.  We got all kinds of muddy and tired and sore and awesome.  My coworker has been bugging me ever since I announced I was moving to Hawaii that I needed to return and race again.  I have not been able to commit to this...after all not only is the race expensive, so are flights...until now! Wooo hooo!

I have a work obligation that will put me in Seattle on the weekend of the event, so ITS ON!! My son is hella jealous.  Sorry, bud!