Earlier my dear friend, RS Emeline, tweeted this blog post. It got me to thinking and I decided to share with you.
My own philosophy on drinking in front my children is this: I don't hide it. Nor do I glorify it. If I drink around them it is in moderation. My fear is that if it's hidden from them it'll become one of those "secret" adult things they can't wait to try.
My own mother never drank. She expressed that as a young woman she'd had what she described as an allergic type reaction and never touched it again. My father would occasionally have my mother pick up a six pack of beer. It would sit in the fridge for ages, until on some particularly hot afternoon after a long day working in the hay fields, my dad would relax with an ice cold Rainier beer. I had an uncle who was quite fond of Jack and coke but I swear my dad had the same bottle of Southern Comfort for most my early childhood.
My folks were never the type to bring a case of beer to a BBQ. They weren't the type that thought an event had to include alcohol to be fun. They really frowned on public intoxication. They were also very sensible and couldn't fathom spending $9 on a fruity drink with an umbrella. I grew up exposed to responsible drinking.
Several years ago, four families and ours went on a camping trip. I believe my oldest was twelve at the time. There were three boys older than him along: brothers, one barely thirteen and the other fifteen, and their friend, between the two in age.
On these "social" camping trips, we don't do much hiking or nature loving. It's more about the time spent hanging with friends, enjoying the campfire, playing card games and just in general relaxing. We arrived on Friday evening and found the parents of the boys mentioned above well on their way to "happy." By the time tents were erected and dinner dishes were cleaned up and put away, they were swaying on their feet.
The smaller kids were running around our campsite, but the older kids were at the adjacent site. It was dark already and campfires were being enjoyed at all three campgrounds. My friend and I stuck close to our site because of our smaller children and the other adults roamed in and out.
My older children had been darting back and forth between the sites and found that the young teen boys at the far site were drinking beer. "Oh yeah, we bought it for them," was the reaction of their mother. "They just have a couple." She then sent her man to check on them.
Excuse me? You bought it for them? Turns out they'd purchase a case of beer for the boys. Which because the boys were completely unsupervised, as their parents were also three sheets to the wind, they consumed the entire thing. The results were not pretty and ruined the camping trip.
I'm not going to go into the details, but I will say the event, as unpleasant as it was, turned into a very valuable teaching lesson for my own children. We were in tents after all. There was no hiding the obnoxiousness that accompanied the various stages of drunk. There was the loud laughter and stupid behavior, followed by the loss of control and ridiculous behavior, followed by the vomiting and the crying, and finally the hangover the next day.
We'd never camped with that family before and didn't know their philosophy that kids drinking in what they considered a "safe" environment with adults was okay. I assure you we never camped with them again. In fact based on the fallout the next day (excuses, followed by justification, followed by anger), we determined they weren't the type of family we'd continue to befriend.
I wouldn't wish such an event on any family, but I'm glad my kids have seen alcohol in both moderation and in excess. I'm glad we had the opportunity to discuss it. I don't think alcohol should be hidden from them; that on the occasion I'd like a beer, I shouldn't drink it until they're in bed. I don't think they should ever see alcohol used as a coping mechanism. I want them to have a good example to follow. I don't believe alcohol is bad or evil. I don't want their only impressions of alcohol to be the glorified commercials between plays on game day, the scenes they see in movies, and the tales their friends tell.
Balance and moderation. How about you? What do you think?
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