Delivering Bad News

How do you break someone's heart?

I mean, knowingly sit them down and give them information that will crush them?

I never gave the Ex's feelings a single thought when I kicked him out. The only thought was the safety of my children and myself. When his actions persisted, it destroyed any remaining desire for reconciliation. I moved on. I had to. I can't say the same for him. Nearly two years later, as our divorce finally nears completion, he still professes his love. I'm sorry he still feels that way. I don't, however, feel any guilt over it. Not one iota.

Not the same for this other situation. After thirty some odd years on this earth, I've decided to make yet another big change in my life. I'm moving away from the church and the way my parents raised me. All their effort and desires are going to be for naught because I'm walking away from it all.

I imagine this might be a little how gays and lesbians feel. The burning desire to be who you are coupled with the fear of hurting those you love in the process.

This has been eating at me for a long time. This trying to make the right decision. I'm still not fully convinced its the right thing to do.  I did stop and ask myself, "could you walk away from the potential you see in your future, and stay on the expected path. Could you live with yourself?"

My answer was yes. Yes, I could continue to live the life I am expected to live. I could continue to raise my children as I was raised. I could live a lie, and I would be absolutely miserable.

The next question was, "can you live with the fallout?"  The fallout being the likelihood that I'm going to be disowned. The fallout of knowing I've once again disappointed my parents.

I've thought long and hard about this, and I don't know. I also don't know for certain what the fallout will be. My parents could react differently than I expect them to (unlikely) or they could react exactly like I expect them to, but later with more thought and reflection, they may decide that my decision wasn't the end of the world they expected.

Having come to the decision that I'm going to quit "hiding", the question is how to tell them. On one hand I'd like to give them a well thought out letter. Something that allows me to explain what I'm doing without the emotional drama of tears and yelling. Something that allows time for thoughtful reflection on exactly what I'm telling them.

On the other hand, do they have the right to hear it straight from me? To have their moment of pain, grief and lashing out?

I don't know which is right. I've been in situations where I would've liked the letter and the opportunity to compose myself that it enabled.  I've also been confronted with situations where a letter is not good enough. I want to look into the person's eyes and see their body language while they give me bad news.

Thoughts?

P.S. My mom called the other night. She said I didn't seem myself lately and she wanted to know if she could help me in any way. This is going to be so much harder than I thought. :(