Thoughts on Little Things

I went for a ten-mile hike Saturday, managed to get blisters and tweaked my back but it was still one of the nicest weekends I can remember.

I think it is the little things that make or break a relationship. I did a lot of thinking about this while I hiked along the beach.

My ex didn't work for the last decade of our relationship. I have no issue with gender reversals. I didn't care that he didn't work outside the home and bring in an income.  However, in exchange, I expected that he would pick up the slack at home (he didn't). The little things: pick up the dishes, take out the trash, clean up after yourself. Nothing sent my anger level into the atmosphere faster than coming home from work and finding the house a disaster, the kids in front of the TV, and him napping. It was a display of complete selfishness.

My life is somewhat different now.  I still work full-time, but I telecommute.  It makes for a different dynamic because I am able to toss the laundry in the washing machine during the day, or start dinner in the crock-pot  In some ways, I think this makes teamwork worse because people forget I am not at home to be doing home things, I am here working and need to treat my job in the same manner I would if I was in the office. So, while I may take a few minutes here or there, I pretty much try to stay focused during the day.  As soon as the work day is over, I leave my computer and start dinner, or wash up the dishes from breakfast, etc. My family, on the other hand, is content to walk in the door and immediately start "relaxing" until dinner is ready.

I understand that work and school is stressful and that one comes home and wants to relax.  However, if everyone relaxes then nothing gets done.  Dinner doesn't get cooked, laundry doesn't get done, the floors don't get swept.  If everyone relaxes but mom, then mom ends up tired, cranky, overworked and resentful. Resentful is never good for a relationship.

I would like to see my family complete one selfless act daily.  One thing that is done completely for the benefit of someone else (hopefully it will lead to more).  I want them to see beyond the 'reward me' attitude: I put my laundry away, or I did my homework, or I put my dinner dishes in the sink.  Yes, those things are beneficial, but they mostly benefit just that person.  I want them to go beyond doing just the minimums. It is the kind, little things, that benefit relationships (between a couple, between siblings, between parents and kids): taking an extra moment to say thank you, please, or you're welcome; picking up something up and putting it away even if it isn't yours; showing interest in another person's activities; and learning to share.

So, back to what made my weekend so enjoyable. The BF made my weekend!  We worked on several things and it was so nice to do them together.  Not that we don't do things together normally, we do. What made this different, is that we did everyday, ordinary things together.  We made cupcakes.  We went shopping. We made breakfast.  We did the dishes.  Somehow, the fact that the activities were so absolutely ordinary, made the time spent together: talking, laughing, working, just that much better.  It was all those little things. I hope we never lose that togetherness.