Thoughts on Little Things

I went for a ten-mile hike Saturday, managed to get blisters and tweaked my back but it was still one of the nicest weekends I can remember.

I think it is the little things that make or break a relationship. I did a lot of thinking about this while I hiked along the beach.

My ex didn't work for the last decade of our relationship. I have no issue with gender reversals. I didn't care that he didn't work outside the home and bring in an income.  However, in exchange, I expected that he would pick up the slack at home (he didn't). The little things: pick up the dishes, take out the trash, clean up after yourself. Nothing sent my anger level into the atmosphere faster than coming home from work and finding the house a disaster, the kids in front of the TV, and him napping. It was a display of complete selfishness.

My life is somewhat different now.  I still work full-time, but I telecommute.  It makes for a different dynamic because I am able to toss the laundry in the washing machine during the day, or start dinner in the crock-pot  In some ways, I think this makes teamwork worse because people forget I am not at home to be doing home things, I am here working and need to treat my job in the same manner I would if I was in the office. So, while I may take a few minutes here or there, I pretty much try to stay focused during the day.  As soon as the work day is over, I leave my computer and start dinner, or wash up the dishes from breakfast, etc. My family, on the other hand, is content to walk in the door and immediately start "relaxing" until dinner is ready.

I understand that work and school is stressful and that one comes home and wants to relax.  However, if everyone relaxes then nothing gets done.  Dinner doesn't get cooked, laundry doesn't get done, the floors don't get swept.  If everyone relaxes but mom, then mom ends up tired, cranky, overworked and resentful. Resentful is never good for a relationship.

I would like to see my family complete one selfless act daily.  One thing that is done completely for the benefit of someone else (hopefully it will lead to more).  I want them to see beyond the 'reward me' attitude: I put my laundry away, or I did my homework, or I put my dinner dishes in the sink.  Yes, those things are beneficial, but they mostly benefit just that person.  I want them to go beyond doing just the minimums. It is the kind, little things, that benefit relationships (between a couple, between siblings, between parents and kids): taking an extra moment to say thank you, please, or you're welcome; picking up something up and putting it away even if it isn't yours; showing interest in another person's activities; and learning to share.

So, back to what made my weekend so enjoyable. The BF made my weekend!  We worked on several things and it was so nice to do them together.  Not that we don't do things together normally, we do. What made this different, is that we did everyday, ordinary things together.  We made cupcakes.  We went shopping. We made breakfast.  We did the dishes.  Somehow, the fact that the activities were so absolutely ordinary, made the time spent together: talking, laughing, working, just that much better.  It was all those little things. I hope we never lose that togetherness.

Our Gimme Society

There are really a million ways this discussion could go. So many people think they’re entitled when the reality (typically) is that someone down their lineage was either forced to come here against their will or came here against all odds seeking something better for their offspring. In other words, the fact that you were born in a country with affluence and freedom was dumb luck on your part. However, I digress. The point of this particular “gimme” is the lack of effort people put forth to comprehend what they read.

I work in the IT field and I can’t tell you how often people ask for help regarding notifications and errors instead of taking even a moment to try to comprehend the message. For example, a client recently emailed, “What does this mean??!?!” accompanied by a screen shot of a box. The content of the box included some cryptic code but at the bottom in plain English was “It appears the credit card number is invalid.”

This wasn’t even a matter of reading comprehension! This was simply a complete lack of effort to TRY. The client saw "error result status 500 (internal server error)", glazed over and gave up. In case you're curious, I went one step further and counted the digits in her card number. Only fifteen. All credit cards except American Express require sixteen. Don't you wish you had access to IT tech support to help you figure stuff like that out?!

Another example: Recently there was an article about some good Samaritans that are suing the woman they rescued. I won't get into the details, but there were many, many posts about how horrible these men were for suing when it was their "JOB!!" to help her. Only thing, these men were NOT firemen or police as the angry posters seemed to think. Rather, they were just men who saw someone in distress and tried to help. In their complete lack of reading comprehension, the fact that they were firemen was just dreamed up.

My best friend is an aspiring novelist. Her works are thought provoking, edge of your seat adventures filled with rich characters and compelling details. Recently she had a piece of her work critiqued by a fellow aspiring writer. As I read through her edits, I was downright pissed! Why? Simple reading comprehension or should I say, the lack thereof.

Her first critique was of the sentence: The baby’s hair was a soft smattering of auburn silk. (To me, this evokes a clear picture of a sparse amount of delicate brownish red hair.) The critique: Too many descriptors, it ruins the flow. The suggestion: The baby’s hair was as soft as auburn silk. My problem with this: the first sentence tells me how much hair the baby has, what it looks like, what it feels like. Having children of my own, I can even imagine what it smells like. The critic’s sentence, on the other hand, invokes soft red hair. In a word, it’s BORING!

The next critique was in reference to the author’s use of “in the man’s arms”. The critic states, “You can use “his” here since there is no other man in the room.” Please note we are five sentences into the story…yes, that's all, just five. This wonderful critic who tooted her own horn “I did a pretty thorough crit of this”, made an assumption five sentences into the story. It would be like assuming a painting will include a horse and stable when the only thing painted is the sky.

This amateur’s critique continues complaining in many places about the depth of details being expertly weaved into the story. So we’re clear, I’m not talking about sentences like, “and she stepped into the room with orange walls, large TV, and buffet near the door.” We’re talking about a detail rich scene more like, “The plasma TV blared from its perch on the sunset colored walls as she tossed the mail on the buffet.” Totally different way for the reader to picture the room.

The critic then completely flip-flops, screaming for more details where the intent is completely clear to anyone with one ounce of reading comprehension. For example, “She hooked her arm through Jenny’s and practically dragged her though the front door. [Begin new paragraph] Loud music blared through the house.”

The critic was confused and demanded a “transition” to explain how they got from outside to inside. Seriously? Do you need “and they walked through the front door”?

Basically this gal needs the equivalent of: See Jane. See Spot. Spot digs a hole. See Jane yell at Spot.

“Jane’s Dalmatian, Spot, dug a hole in her freshly manicured lawn,” is just too much detail for her to comprehend, and it is easier for my client to email me a message than to actually read the clear details in a message box.

Gimme, gimme cause if it requires the slightest bit of intellect and effort, it’s just too much to ask.