No Regrets

by KK Sierra

No goodbyes.
No regrets.
It's better this way.

Walked away.
Couldn't look back.
Who says its better this way?

Things are gone; empty rooms.
Vanilla lingers in the air.
Why is it better this way?

Passion embraced in the night.
Sharing love, sharing life.
Why do you want it this way?

You built a wall.
You hide yourself.
I won't say its better this way.

I'll sleep alone.
No regrets...
But, I don't want it this way.

###

12/11/10 - A special day I'll always remember. 

Memories vs Mementos

When you think about the special times in your life how do you recall them? Is it a special memento you've obtained, photographs, or is it just your memories of the event?

You hear people say, "well, you've always got your memories." However, that's not always the case. My grandmother, for example, developed dementia before she passed away. The dementia stole her memories and in doing so, stole part of her. So much of who she was was the stories she shared. She was very smart and  read all the time. She loved to share the things she'd learned. It was heartbreaking to watch her try to recall events and facts.

On the other hand, things are also lost, stolen or destroyed. When there are fires or natural disasters, assuming there is no loss of life, the thing that people are saddest about isn't the loss of their home, as homes can be rebuilt, but the loss of their pictures and other special mementos.

I know for me I'm not big on having a bunch of cluttery mementos, but there are times, when I'd like to have something reminding me of those I love to hold close to my heart and pictures of their smiling faces to enjoy.

Fail

Do you ever have one of those lifetimes months weeks when nothing you say seems to come out right? When even situations you handled well seem like they've gone horribly awry?  The last couple weeks have felt that way.

There's been a couple situations that turned out alright in the end...I think (one still feels only semi-resolved)...but I still feel awful about what happened and the way it happened.  Even if I had legitimate concerns, I feel like I handled it all poorly.

I don't look cute like this with my foot in my mouth.

The worst is when stuff is coming out of your mouth and it's like an out of body experience.  When you're watching yourself spew, know it's ridiculous, and are powerless to make it stop.

It's like this, only not pretty...more browns and moldy greens.

I've got some icky sinus thing and I don't even feel it's fair to blame it on that.  After all, other people have horrible illnesses and they can be nice...and reasonable.

Ultimately, I blame the toll of long endured stress. There's pretty much only three months of the year left. 2011 is almost over and I'm still stuck in the same predicament I started the year in, but with ever rising stakes. It makes me want to swear at the universe over the unfairness of it all...although I know this is silly and will accomplish nothing.

I also blame fear. I was confronted with losing something very special and important to me. Sometimes you don't realize just how profound an impact something has in your life until you think you've lost it.

If I gave you bad info, threw you under the bus or to the wolves, answered a question I shouldn't have, was snippy, or snarky, or just poorly behaved, I'm sorry. I'm certain to expel this demon soon...one way or another.